poops, giggles and huh?

“Beans beans the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot.” What a great childhood rhyme.

Yesterday I was exposed to chemical warfare. In the middle of my 7th grade lesson at 2:00 in the afternoon I heard a small whining sound. It sounded like a very small mouse was being squeezed to death. After glancing around the room and seeing no small mice in the hands of any of my students, I continued teaching.

After a couple of minutes I was suddenly hit with a wave of stench unlike anything my nose had encountered before. I quickly switched my regular nose breathing to emergency mouth breathing techniques. I could tell that the students had not been exposed to this type of chemical attack. Starting from the right of the room I saw the kids who sat in the same row as the attacker begin to slump over in their seats. Some of them covered their faces a minute too late.

The students in the row next to them looked curiously at their classmates, wondering what had come over them. Then, it hit them too. I could see their faces contort and a girl near the back began to have involuntary spasms. When it hit the next row, a few students had already begun dry heaving and I could hear some children whimpering.

“Quick, Luke! Open the door!” I commanded. Luke, the nearest student to the door sprang into action. He leaped out of his seat as the stench hit his row. One girl screamed and hit the floor. I ran to open the windows just as the door opened. In a few moments air flowed through the room and the kids began to revive.

I looked angrily around the room to try to dicover the attacker. No one appeared to take the blame. But as I began the lesson again, a fat little boy in the far right corner wore a satisfied grin on his face…

“Fart boy, I have not yet finished with you!” I yelled as he leapt through the window to his waiting fartmobile.

Anyway, this really happened and we’re all lucky to be alive.

*Some of the details in this account may have been fabricated. The suffering children were real.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 17th, 2005 at 6:25 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.