poops, giggles and huh?

I woke up today in Jersey. The air outside was thick and gray. I slept walked to my car and watched myself drive to the movie theatre parking lot. Someone else parked my car and walked to the bus stop across the street. He waited in line with the other people going to New York.

I watched as he stared straight ahead during the bus ride to the city. He seemed to be deep in thought as his legs carried him off the bus and through the bus terminal. The crowds of people surrounded him as he stepped onto the sidewalk. Each person seemed hurried and unforgiving. The men handing out the free newspapers demanded that passersby take one. I watched him as he walked quietly through the crowd. His forehead was wrinkled as he tried to solve an impossible problem. The problem remained until he reached the classroom and saw his first student.

"Good morning, Jenny," he said cheerfully. The day had begun.

It’s muggy out. The window and door are open in hopes of luring a breeze into my attic apartment. Remnants of my macaroni and cheese dinner sit in the bowl and pot waiting to be scrubbed. My shirt lays in a heap beside me; long discarded in my attempts to stay cool. My tan, muscled upper body glistens with sweat as I rub lotion on my firm pecs. My abs jut out like……..uhhhhh no you did not see that. hahahaha Do you see how hot it is here??? I’m starting to write like one of those trashy grocery store checkout line novelists; the ones who go by names such as Laura Silverstein, or Barbara Sheldon but whom you know are balding, overweight men in bifocal lenses.

The whole city is swimming in sweat, it smells like. Today, I walked by a large man on the subway platform and almost doubled over in dusgust. His B.O. hit me like a sledgehammer. Maybe that naked guy at UC Berkley had a good idea. I think I’ll try it tomorrow.

I almost never look at old pictures I’ve taken. At home I have a two big storage containers full lof photos from high school, college, and China. The thing about photos is, they make me miss the people and times in them.

One of my students in New York just emailed me the picture of our class that we took on Friday. It strikes me that someday I’ll look back at this photo and think of the good times I had with that class. I may even wish to go back in time to June 2006.

After I got Fun Chun’s email, I decided to look at some of my other photos on my computer. I have a lot from Qingdao, China. 2004-2005 was a good year. There were so many things going on at that time. There were the students, friends, enemies, people that made me sick, so many people that made me happy, and the whole family feeling of Baishan School. And, there was Michelle. I still feel bad about her. The picture that I have of her shows her smiling in the bright sunlight on the soccer field. It was Korea Day at school. That’s how I always think of her too; smiling and bright like the sun. I hope she’s doing well and is happy.

I took pictures this past weekend with Susan. We went to Pennsylvania for one of her friends’ weddings. It was out in the middle of nowhere and the church and reception area were on a hill. You could see for miles around. There were very few houses and even less noise. Susan was happy to see her friends again. The friend getting married is Susan’s old roommate from college. Other than the two of us, the only other asians at the family were a filipino couple. Everyone else was a country bumpkin. Nice folks though. Susan was thrilled to hang out with her old friends and there’s a photo of her on the grass with four other girls. The sun was bright and there was a nice breeze. A perfect day for a wedding. The girls are smiling and laughing, waiting for the (in my mind) dreaded bouquet toss. Someone must have said something funny because all five girls are laughing in the picture. Susan looks pretty in her black dress and pearls.

I don’t like to look at my old pictures too often. They make me miss people and times. I think I may look back at these photos and smile though. These are good times.

College. I haven’t been here for a while. I’m here at a community college sitting outside my girlfriend’s classroom waitihg for her history class to finish. I can hear most of what her professor is saying. They’re learning about the American revolution and I hear names like Thomas Payne and Madison. It makes me wish I was still a student. I like learning new things and having my mind challenged. It makes me feel intellectual. I can hear Susan’s professor pouring his heart out trying deperately to make a connection with the students who are checking their watches and wondering what they’ll have for dinner. I want to knock on the door and tell him that at least one person is excited about the fact that the "Great Awakening" allowed people to think for themselves and challenge the religious and governmental institutions. I’m a student again and this time I’m paying attention if only for this evening outside Susan’s classroom. I always thought that education careers were for suckers. I have one now and I kind of like it. I want to be this professor and listen to him at the same time.

I step out the door of this attic/crawl space that has become my new home, for at least this next year, and see the Hudson river and the city beyond. I try to think deep and conjure up lyrics for some unwritten song. No deep thoughts come to mind except for the ones by Jack Handy.

I come back inside and try to figure out how I’m going to find another part time job so that I can survive. The part time job I have now just barely allows me to pay the rent and have a little left over for food. I light a candle on the ledge of my bedroom window hoping it’s flickering light will bring me sort of idea for my survival. Nothing. The flickering light is just a flickering light. The view of the Hudson river and New York City is just a view.

Third Eye Blind plays from my computer speakers and I sit on the floor here trying to think deep but nothing comes to mind. I wonder if I should eat dinner. I grabbed a couple White Castle burgers today on the way home from work partly because I was hungry (no breakfast or lunch) and partly because I was really curious about how they tasted. Ever since I watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, I’ve wanted to taste those burgers. Well, that’s one thing I don’t have to think about anymore. Meanwhile all the other worries crowd around my White Castle accomplishment.

Having just moved to my new little apartment in New Jersey, I’m sitting here and just decomposing on a lazy Friday night. It’s been a busy time since I’ve moved to New Jersey. I’m glad to finally be out of the place I was living. It was not my idea of a nice neighborhood. The place I moved into this week is not penthouse suite either, but is MUCH better. It’s in a nice town called Edgewater, in a quiet neighborhood on the top floor of someone’s house with a private entrance from the back. I think this place used to be an attic but was made into an apartment. Anyway, it’s fine for me for now and the price is pretty good for this area. I’m still car-less and will try to change my license tomorrow so that I can get a car. I didn’t know that you can’t buy a car here unless you have a New Jersey license.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the job thing and still really want to get into publishing. However, I’m not getting any interviews with publishers and have tried everything I could think of. Still nothing. On the other hand, I’m getting quite a few offers to teach English or work at test prep centers for pretty good money. More money than I’ve ever made in my life, in fact. It makes me wonder whether I should just go for teaching full time. It seems to be something that I’m moderately good at and I do enjoy it most of the time. Besides, I need to make a living. I’m not sure just yet. I keep wondering if maybe I’m not destined to go into publishing. I’ve been praying that God would show me the job he wants me to have. I wonder if all these offers for teaching is God showing me the job or type of job he wants for me, or if I just need to keep trying for publishing.

I’m teaching at the Empire State Building right now 20 hours a week which doesn’t bring me enough money. But I wanted to work in manhattan because I thought I’d have a better chance of meeting publishing people if I worked in the city. But, if I worked in New Jersey, I’d make a lot more money and I think I could get a full time teaching job. But, I wouldn’t be in the city, which means I’d have less of a chance to meet people in publishing houses. Hmmm, I just don’t know.

On another topic, my cousins emailed me pictures of this past weekend at my family’s house in Sacramento, California. My brothers and my cousins from my dad’s side all got together for the weekend and had a cousins reunion. It kind of made me homesick to see the pictures because I was the only cousin not there. I wish I could have been. I miss my family. That’s the thing about moving all over the place. It’s interesting and you have experiences you wouldn’t have if you stayed home. But you have to miss out on a lot of stuff. That part kind of sucks…..