poops, giggles and huh?

Grandpa has never been a healthy eater. I remember one time when I was little, my family went to visit my grandparents and Grandpa cooked breakfast for my brothers and me. He cooked us bacon and French Fries. I think that was when I first started to love bacon.

Grandpa has always been a contant. He’s someone I assumed would always be there. Sometimes he’s philosophical and sometimes he doesn’t make much sense. He’s so funny like that. I remember when I went to visit Grandma and Grandpa with Susan for the first time. Grandpa must have talked for forty five minutes about how he and Grandma fight sometimes but that they love each other. He said that he sometimes has to give Grandma a slap….of the lips! That cracked me up.

I love my Grandpa.

Waigong, wo hao xiang ni.

I am aware of my failings. I have many of them.

My mom and dad are leaving tonight. I know they were bored while they were here. I really was a terrible host. I didn’t take them anywhere cool, I got impatient with my dad and mom, I didn’t get to pay for any meals with them (mom always beat me)…

I could tell my mom felt sorry for me when she saw where I live. She told me that she and my dad would help me out with some money so I can move to a better place. I was a little embarassed. Not because of where or how I live, but because at my age with my education, I couldn’t be the one helping my parents out by giving them money. Instead, my parents want to give me money.

Probably the one thing they did enjoy while they were here was being with Susan and her parents. At least I made a good choice in that department. I couldn’t ask for better. She was great as were her parents and family.

Sometimes I tell myself that I haven’t done so well financially because I’m the free spirit in the family. I’m the one who will move anywhere in the world if I feel like it and money isn’t important to me. Sometimes I tell myself that I don’t have much money because I didn’t study hard enough in school. If I’d studied harder I might be doing well.

I guess I sometimes feel like I’ve failed and I don’t know how to fix myself.

I know I’ve made lots of mistakes and continue to do that but I just wish they weren’t so damn obvious.

I was talking with Susan. Mostly talking to just hear myself talk. I was buzzed again (rum and coke) and was reminiscing about friends. I realized that I don’t have that many close friends anymore. I made some great friends in China. A big part of that reason was because I lived with so many people. I mean, we all lived in different apartments but we worked together and hung out together. I made a lot of good friends at Bob Jones. Although I might not have become such good friends with these people under normal circumstances, I was forced to get to know them and adapt to them because we all lived together. I guess this is why I don’t have any close friends here in New Jersey, other than Susan. I wish I could keep in closer contact with all those old friends that meant so much to me. But, it’s nearly impossible. We are all scattered around the globe or at the very least in different states. Maybe that’s why I want to travel and see different places so much. I think I’m afraid of growing old sooner than I expect without any good friends. It’s a lonely thought and I don’t want it to happen.